15
February
February
I'm steadily having the crappiest days on Boracay
No comments Posted in: UncategorizedTagged with andoks, boracay, brownout, frustrated, health, red pirates, social, travel, wifey
I’m sick and tired of this crap, just too damn much all at once.
It came time to goto Manila for a wedding, cool! 2 days to fly, jesus christ I feel like crap. cant get any airlines on the phones. stay inside. The next day blows:
- I rehydrate all night, wake to find my skin itchy and red-splotched. Like tons of ant bites.
- start with a breakfast of loperamide to offset these morning runs, what a great start.
- Seair claims it only has 1 seat available at over 5000 pesos for a 30min 1-way trip! I think not.
- Morning brownout. Crap, I cant even look up alternate numbers for the other airlines, who aren’t answering the phones.
- Heat – damnit, why does the single hot day this week have to be on a day-long brownout, arrrg!
- I try getting a friends dive-gear from storage but there’s a medical emergency going on. I always wondered why they stopped using his dive computer so I hit the button (same model as mine). Its broken, it keeps saying its sitting at 95 meters and wont shut off… not even after I put it in some water for a while. Had to remove the battery.
- walking down to the travel center, nothing but shitloads of Koreans blocking every path in their matching Speedos.
- Almost get run over by the BSTPO Tourist Police truck, just great. Its bad enough the motorcycles run around fast, but that police truck was moving entirely too fast. If it’s an emergency, at least honk a horn.
- oh hell no, not diarrhea cramps again, not while I’m walking around!
- ATM machine: as soon as my card slides in – F**KING POWER GOES OUT THERE! I wait 30 minutes for the machine to re-boot and get my card back.
- Travel offices (including airlines offices) all claim every seat is booked leaving Caticlan on Saturday – there’s no damn way that many people are leaving on a Saturday. Everyone at Tourist Center is pissed ’cause they’re getting told the same thing.
- I’m so pissed off, I hang up on a friend that calls from Australia.
- Andoks: screw it, I haven’t eaten here in 6 months. Just great – their register goes on the fritz and they don’t know how to tally an order with the calculator. It’s right there, a calculator- f**king use it.
- Andoks: is the roast chicken ready now? yes sir, its ready now. Ok, I’ll take that to-go. Ok sir (then wait 10 minutes because it wasnt ready). You said it was ready to go now. Yes sir, its ready. (wtf)?
- Andoks: dont chop it, leave it whole. Ok ser. – you guessed it, chopped up in that way that leaves bone-bits all over the place. ITS A GODAMN CHICKEN! WHO THE F**K WOULD CHOP IT WITH A CLEAVER?! Or better yet, leave it whole like we agreed to. Apparently the ‘Andoks University’ needs some fine-tuning.
- walking home: Ser, massage? no, but this succulent fresh steaming roasted chicken that I’m holding JUST MIGHT LIKE A F**KING MASSAGE RATHER THAN BEING EATEN WHILE STILL HOT!
- Empty lot next to Dive Gurus now has somebodies fighting cocks housed there and it smelled like putrid chickenshit – made me more nauseous.
- A group of Japanese walks directly into me- I moved to the side of the path and stopped. Literally walked right into me.
- Get home: hey, thats pretty damn cool the way they put in cups of gravy upside down under the chicken. Now I have a nasty brown soup in the bottom! And thanks for lining the bottom of the thin bag with a banana leaf so the only way to get it out is by dumping the whole mess upside down – with banana leaf, grease/oil, and gravy slopping on the top….. and the sides…. and the table… and the floor.. because YOU PUT A GODAMN BANANA LEAF IN A CHEAP PLASTIC BAG!
- Still no electricity.
- Eating: You have to activly work at f**king-up a roasted chicken to make it greasier than it naturally is. This is some unhealthy food. It gets thrown away… should’ve taken the massage.
- Now I feel like complete crap. Screw today. I’m just gonna have to go standby in the morning.
- B calls and reminds me about the buffet at Red Pirates. I go and yup, its a nice spread with fresh killed pig and all the sides. Looks great and lots of people I know there – but I feel like crap so I go home w/o even having a single drink.
- I’m in bed when ‘stupid’ comes by. Shes so stupid, she thinks its socially acceptable to expect me to wake up and let her hangout for a while — I WAS IN BED, GO THE F**K AWAY! What makes this worse is the post-it note on the door stating “I have to wake up early tomorrow – please no visitors”. She still knocked. damnit wifey.
Next day:
- Wake up around 5am with foulness coming from both ends.
- ‘stupid’ comes by around 10am, walks in and changes the channel to GMA network. I kick her out. Don’t come back. We’re not friends.
- sick all day. Friends in Manila probably think I’m blowing off the wedding. Just in case, I call the airlines and sure enough, they claim to have no seats at all.
Today – nauseous again and my sphincter seems to think I’ve been eating a lot of super-spicy hotwings. Again I heard the knock of Stupid. Didnt answer.
3 Responses
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Ah, I see. You are finally coming around to my way of thinking regarding Andoks.
Feb 20, 2009 at 5:18 PMFirst time you’ve had it sober?