Homeless Diver

Illness and food poisoning will not stop this meat-eater from getting some good chow.

I finally hobbled my way to BudgetMart last night for some real food. Monterey Meats changed companies and phone numbers to “Carne Bora” , but not employees, so I couldnt get anything delivered here.

• 21:30: I point at the huge hunk of beef in the display and declare my intent to get the whole damn thing. This confuses the guy so I said “the whole damn thing”. Also get apple juice and milk, frozen chicken, frozen pork tender loin, and bacon. Healthy stuff.
• 22:00: Make a drink of Tanduay in the kitchen but drink the entire liter carton of apple juice instead…then I drink the rum.
• 22:30: Cut the entire chunk-o-beef and marinade - only cook half. Drink more Tanduay.
• 23:00: Eating dead cow with lots of cayenne and Tanduay. Drink some of the milk.
• 24:00: My ‘cousin’ comes over and ask to turn on the aircon, says its hot. I decline. She doesnt like the spicy flesh of Mr. Moo. I drink more Tanduay and then some milk whilst attempting to do some college courses…I’m loosing interest in continuing my higher education. I remember that Cialis is a 3-day drug and put this to good use.
• 04:00: she tries turning on the aircon again, doesn’t happen but now that I’m awake, its time to build more international relations.
• 04:45: Treatise discussions are broken off as I rush to make a donation to porcelain disposal. Come back and she tells me I’m burning up…which is odd because I’m freezing and the aircon is off.
• 05:00 - 07:30: Multiple trips for Class I download. I can understand the Montezuma’s revenge as coming from a liter of milk, a liter of apple juice, and 2 kilos of really spicy beef. But I have no idea where the fever came from and why I’m laying in bed literally shivering while present company is visibly sweating lightly.
• 07:30: I wake up to turn on the aircon for just a tad, sitting in the chair for 20 minutes and turn it of before going back to bed. Shes happy now.
• 07:30- 16:30 I sleep deply, all day long. Aircon is still off and I’m actually hot now - time to turn it on. O’hai Mr Cialis, you’re still with me I see! Aircon proves to be a good idea.
• 17:00 - 18:15: Sleep like a baby, but not feverish this time..leaves the aircon on.

I cant believe I slept that long. The food thing was easy to ID because of the timing and duration and other qualities not mentioned here. But the fever of that intensity coming on so fast and only for 12 hours? I doubt it was the food.

Sugar ants can predict typhoons - the recent invasion completely disappeared the morning before the typhoon hit Boracay. They came back at the end of the last rain and are back in force.

There is a former NASA engineer working as night-shift manager at a 24-hour bar in D’Mall….uh huh

Drunkenly walking thru a typhoon is easier than reporters make it look…either that or they’re drunk themselves.

NEVER take that large ‘emergency’ frozen bottle of water out of the freezer for longer than is necessary, it might make a difference between a little trash and a lot of rotten food.

Drunk Canadians with an accent like a drunk east Texan redneck should not be allowed in bars less than a kilometer from me.

Andoks is capable of closing; who would have thought.

Andoks does not need refrigeration: you will feel just as miserable the next morning regardless of refrigerator or not.

Solitaire by candle light sucks. It truly sucks. You cannot imagine how bad it wholly sucks.

Casual sex becomes “do you have a generator?”

Tokay geckos dont care if you just cleaned the house from top-to-bottom, they will crap huge nuggets whenever they please.

The ability to offer a clean-water shower can be traded for earthly sins.

Cocomangas never stops partying…ever.

The Baboy store will sell you tanduay in the middle of a typhoon…but only if he has a bottle left for himself.

Do not order any dishes with meat from a place that only uses generators at night time.

I can withstand being hit in the head, neck, and shoulders by flying coconuts. This is not bragging, but its still pretty damn interesting. Ok, yea its bragging.

The center of D’Mall is impervious to typhoon winds…possibly connected to the Bermuda Triangle

I am not the only person on this island that apologizes after pissing off people the night before.

The staff of Red Pirates are a dedicated bunch that let nothing stop the booze from flowing; even if that includes one of them standing on the thatch/nippa roof in sandblasting wind and rain to repair a few minor leaks.

Bags of trash are capable of levitating 200 meters and into other peoples houses.

It is possible to out-party people who have lived a party life for the last 5 years.

My neighbors do not need a 2-man-lift generator for basic sanitation, lights, fan, hotwater, cooking….no, they need it for a karaoke machine.

Having a spare and fully charged battery for the cell phone only matters when….when…. hell, it didnt matter. The service was out.

Sand can, and will, inform you of new body cracks it has found.

Rubbing alcohol is not a good way to clean the tabletop whilst using candles.