Homeless Diver

Sugar ants can predict typhoons - the recent invasion completely disappeared the morning before the typhoon hit Boracay. They came back at the end of the last rain and are back in force.

There is a former NASA engineer working as night-shift manager at a 24-hour bar in D’Mall….uh huh

Drunkenly walking thru a typhoon is easier than reporters make it look…either that or they’re drunk themselves.

NEVER take that large ‘emergency’ frozen bottle of water out of the freezer for longer than is necessary, it might make a difference between a little trash and a lot of rotten food.

Drunk Canadians with an accent like a drunk east Texan redneck should not be allowed in bars less than a kilometer from me.

Andoks is capable of closing; who would have thought.

Andoks does not need refrigeration: you will feel just as miserable the next morning regardless of refrigerator or not.

Solitaire by candle light sucks. It truly sucks. You cannot imagine how bad it wholly sucks.

Casual sex becomes “do you have a generator?”

Tokay geckos dont care if you just cleaned the house from top-to-bottom, they will crap huge nuggets whenever they please.

The ability to offer a clean-water shower can be traded for earthly sins.

Cocomangas never stops partying…ever.

The Baboy store will sell you tanduay in the middle of a typhoon…but only if he has a bottle left for himself.

Do not order any dishes with meat from a place that only uses generators at night time.

I can withstand being hit in the head, neck, and shoulders by flying coconuts. This is not bragging, but its still pretty damn interesting. Ok, yea its bragging.

The center of D’Mall is impervious to typhoon winds…possibly connected to the Bermuda Triangle

I am not the only person on this island that apologizes after pissing off people the night before.

The staff of Red Pirates are a dedicated bunch that let nothing stop the booze from flowing; even if that includes one of them standing on the thatch/nippa roof in sandblasting wind and rain to repair a few minor leaks.

Bags of trash are capable of levitating 200 meters and into other peoples houses.

It is possible to out-party people who have lived a party life for the last 5 years.

My neighbors do not need a 2-man-lift generator for basic sanitation, lights, fan, hotwater, cooking….no, they need it for a karaoke machine.

Having a spare and fully charged battery for the cell phone only matters when….when…. hell, it didnt matter. The service was out.

Sand can, and will, inform you of new body cracks it has found.

Rubbing alcohol is not a good way to clean the tabletop whilst using candles.

Ever seen that Freak Show movie where bugs start crawling out of this guys body?  Or any one of the multitudes of sci-fi shows about bugs instantly coming out of nowhere? I think the first one was Ants in 1977. Ever since learning just how true the words of my roommate were about not leaviong ANYTHING out around this house or thousands of super tiny ants will be on them. Sometimes I think they’re termites but who knows. Anyway, a single drop of cola, tea, or anything not water will have a flock of them out in about 5 minutes.

But why on me? And my bed of all places? Trust me, I wash my sheets way more often than is natural. possibly as much as a hotel. And bleach them for a nice disinfected smell.  I cant stand crumbs in my bed or anything for that matter. No one gets on my bed w/o brushing their feet well on the towel on the floor. But these damn little transparent ant/termite/whatevers have been on my bed this pas week. I have put my mattress out for spraying and airing out in the sunlight twice this week, these fuckers still come back, get on my laptop and while Im pecking the keys, they get on me. I also am washed more often than is natural, so shaddap on those comments.

This is a pretty clean room these days. unfolded clean laundry in a clean chair is about it other than a cluttered table. But no food containers, no trash bags, look at this crap, there goes one now across the screen. Smooshed now. Arrogant lil bastards.

Small waves/periods of this, I could understand.  But the early rains last month caused a lot of cockroaches to start heading into peoples homes up here so I went and got several kinds of poisons. I poured and sprayed that crap all over the place. Windows, doors, corners, floorboards, table legs, table tops, and my room?….oh, I completely nuked my room. But hell, they keep coming back.  Its not a trail or anything I can follow, its like some bug recon, random directions.

Today, I sprayed the kerosene based persistent agent all over the room….and promptly got sick. nasty stuff.

This must be how a junkie feels going through withdrawls…the sensation of bugs crawling all over their skin.

Except these are real bugs.  We have these tiny things that look like sugar ants, but I don’t think they are. They are almost translucent with a hint of brown. And really tiny. As in small. So small that I once ate half a pizza that had them on it and didnt notice until I was swatting them off my face. Cant feel them until they start moving your fine hairs around. They come out of nowhere and they swarm really fast to food. But they never sting and I’m not sure they even have stingers–possibly not ants at all.

But DAMNIT>>>GET THE HELL OFF ME!!!!!!