Homeless Diver

Illness and food poisoning will not stop this meat-eater from getting some good chow.

I finally hobbled my way to BudgetMart last night for some real food. Monterey Meats changed companies and phone numbers to “Carne Bora” , but not employees, so I couldnt get anything delivered here.

• 21:30: I point at the huge hunk of beef in the display and declare my intent to get the whole damn thing. This confuses the guy so I said “the whole damn thing”. Also get apple juice and milk, frozen chicken, frozen pork tender loin, and bacon. Healthy stuff.
• 22:00: Make a drink of Tanduay in the kitchen but drink the entire liter carton of apple juice instead…then I drink the rum.
• 22:30: Cut the entire chunk-o-beef and marinade - only cook half. Drink more Tanduay.
• 23:00: Eating dead cow with lots of cayenne and Tanduay. Drink some of the milk.
• 24:00: My ‘cousin’ comes over and ask to turn on the aircon, says its hot. I decline. She doesnt like the spicy flesh of Mr. Moo. I drink more Tanduay and then some milk whilst attempting to do some college courses…I’m loosing interest in continuing my higher education. I remember that Cialis is a 3-day drug and put this to good use.
• 04:00: she tries turning on the aircon again, doesn’t happen but now that I’m awake, its time to build more international relations.
• 04:45: Treatise discussions are broken off as I rush to make a donation to porcelain disposal. Come back and she tells me I’m burning up…which is odd because I’m freezing and the aircon is off.
• 05:00 - 07:30: Multiple trips for Class I download. I can understand the Montezuma’s revenge as coming from a liter of milk, a liter of apple juice, and 2 kilos of really spicy beef. But I have no idea where the fever came from and why I’m laying in bed literally shivering while present company is visibly sweating lightly.
• 07:30: I wake up to turn on the aircon for just a tad, sitting in the chair for 20 minutes and turn it of before going back to bed. Shes happy now.
• 07:30- 16:30 I sleep deply, all day long. Aircon is still off and I’m actually hot now - time to turn it on. O’hai Mr Cialis, you’re still with me I see! Aircon proves to be a good idea.
• 17:00 - 18:15: Sleep like a baby, but not feverish this time..leaves the aircon on.

I cant believe I slept that long. The food thing was easy to ID because of the timing and duration and other qualities not mentioned here. But the fever of that intensity coming on so fast and only for 12 hours? I doubt it was the food.

I think it started out poorly since I didn’t even leave the house until about midnight, after half a bottle of Tanduay rum. I recall Red Pirates closing down and moving in a northern direction. I ended up everywhere and nowhere. There was Isla Bayla, Bamboo, Juice Bar, some other place I don’t really remember much about except everyone there seemed preoccupied with acting like aristocrats but still managed to use the body language of trailer trash. I got the distinct impression that they were all uneducated people in nice clothes. So I staggered onward. Boracay party places needed my presence.

Once I headed to Station 2, one point was reinforced last night: being nice to people has its benefits. I got free drinks everywhere I went except for Summer Place, (not only will this NEVER happen, but they’re some of the most expensive around). Bartenders and managers that recognized me were like, forget it and give me some dap! (dapped)_ I only mention this because there were a few people I know that were snotty towards the staff at a few places and have since had their bills padded by other peoples drinks and almost always full-tourist price. Normally, my drinks are discounted to a more local rate, which is pretty cool.

There was Summer Place, Hey Jude, Sumer Place again, Isla Bayla again, and I forget where else I was at but I do remember closing down Summer Place and my body chemistry was fairly toxic by then. Is it bad that I’m straight but still know most of the ladyboys working the crowd? I found out one thing though: the professional transvestite entertainers that work at the Amazing Show, well, they don’t mix with regular ladyboys and seem to look down on them…well, I shouldn’t say ’seem’ because thats exactly what one of them told me. They’re still cool as hell, but I guess I never realized there was a classist mentality in that group.

I ran into a party girl I remembered from my early days here. She seemed coked out of her head and couldn’t stop talking for more than a few seconds. I assume thats what it was, but I didn’t ask.

I found out that Andoks had bottles of Red Bull. Whoops. They should have kept that secret from me.

I even stopped into a few places at daybreak to hang with some of the working girls that didn’t get any business…kinda like all the drunks going to IHOP in the states, only this was with prostitutes at bar-lounges that don’t close, so yea, more drinking.

I didn’t get back to the house until around 7:30 this morning and tried staying awake but that was a lost cause. I started freezing for some reason and killed the aircon around 0830. Very fitful sleep, stomach was having a twinge. My phone started blowing up with calls and text messages from a girl out here and finally I texted her back to leave me alone to sleep and turned the ringer off. She wanted to come over at noon.

Finally I woke up around 20:00 tonight and found a lot of texts and missed calls on my phone. Damnit! My good friend was having her 21st birthday party down on the beach and I missed it. Other people even texted me to say how good the BBQ and beer was and to get my ass down there. Honestly, even if I had been awake early enough, I don’t think I would have made it…it’s now 1:00 am the next morning and I’m still feeling like crap.

Damn–there went a power surge and drop…airconditioner is making funny noises now. See? just how the hell are we having a brown-out at 1:00 in the morning? It’s not even hot out tonight. What the hell?!?! I went to unplug some appliances and come back to find a cockroach on my floor - I friggin hate those things and we rarely ever see them here. I keep the house nice and poisoned.

Anyway, I’m still feeling ill and am sipping on a salty chicken-ramen soup while at the computer. Thats my big Saturday night. What the hell was I thinking! I could have partied like a rock-star tonight with my closest best friends but noooo…I had to go out last night by myself and just meet friends along the way.

99.5 degree Fahrenheit. Yuppers, I’m a little toasty.

I went out and managed blackout drive pretty quickly. I do remember being a bit drunk and coming back to the house. I remember Chad coming up behind me saying 6 girls were going to drink the ‘Fuck You Archie’ so he was getting the video camera.

Then I remember being at Summer Place pretty late chillin with a friend. I remember getting a motorcycle home.

I woke up hungover and really shaky as they told me about a friend that got the bends pretty bad on a morning dive. I tried sleeping again and didnt do a good job of it. I got up around 15:00 and noticed that I had lost a pillow and somehow, gained a mystery bag of Andoks fried chicken. There was a plastic bowl with about 5 eaten pieces in it and another bag with 6 more pieces hanging on the back of the chair. I dont remember any of it.

Now…what people told me is that apparently I went back down to the Red Pirates and hung out with them drinking some more on the beach(?). They say there was fire dancing and video(?). There were girls drinking FU Archies(?). I was telling people that I was waiting for someone(?). Gaz was wearing short-shorts and his nads were hanging out(?).

I remember none of it. I do remember thinking that I should have some Andoks but I dont remember going there or back or even eating it. I dont remember getting home or why my shirt and boxers were on the bathroom floor soaking wet. I also dont know why there was sand all over them or how I even got sand up to the house.

And I have more coursework to do tonight. Jeeze.

So the brother of a friend comes in and we go out drinking. A few hours into it, I start with the sweats again. It took me a while to realize that no-one else was sweating and that I was getting tired really fast without having drank a lot. So I left for some midnight Jammers….:

• 1 Monster Bacon Double Cheeseburger
• 3 ‘Meat’ Tacos
• ———————–
• 300 pesos

It was still kinda early when I split. I waited at Jammers for some friends, but after a long while, I was like screw it, I don’t feel good. But Jammers…..damn, I hardly eat there but boy was that good! On the menu it gives you a choice of ‘meat’ or ‘fish’ tacos. Thats the only description. Damn good tacos too! nothing processed..all fresh veggies, shells, and..well, I don’t really know much about the meat but it wasnt really greasy or anything. The burger was massive.

Felt like crap on the way home. Got home and did a double take…Porch lights, a room light, and a bathroom light were all on. I assumed everyone had somehow gotten back before I did, like they skipped Jammers and took a trike straight home - so I went to bed with the laptop. About 45 minutes later, I get a text from them down at Jammers asking where I was…hmmmmm…..I was the last one to leave the house I thought and the lights were off and it was daylight still

Sinus problems game back with a vengeance in the middle of the night…so bad that I thought it was daylight in the AM but when I got up to cram menthol up my nose, I looked out the window to see why it was so dark. Yea, it was dark alright, because it was only 0400. Apparently, I was not in a good shape. I drank a 1.5 liter bottle of Tang in my sleep and still feel dehydrated.