Homeless Diver

I woke up around noon today and promptly did nothing but some more laundry. Bleaching all the whites in the house that seem dingy after the house was empty for almost a month. Haven’t been shopping since I got back so I made some instant oats as food, not that I was hungry but I need it with my meds or I get indigestion really bad. Got a lotta paper crap I’m clearing out so rather than haul it up to the mainroad next week (only 1 day trash service) I put the unused hibachi standing grill on the back balcony and burned a bunch of it today.

Pretty much did that and puttered around on the internet until an hour ago when I got some daMarios and talked with Jaqi and Rod down at Red Pirates.The weather on boracay is really nice right now with a solid constant breeze comming off the sea.

I have no idea why, but this is the 3rd night in a row that ladyboys have been hanging out in Red Pirates at the bar. I guess it makes business sense for them since a lot of the older guys at Casa Camilla are into that sort of thing….but c’mon, no need for them to be hanging out on this end of the island so much! And especially not in there. It’s too small to accomodate that scene…its like a nippa hut version of Cheers. I dont mean to go on about this but, until now, I never realized how discreet and low-key the gays on this end of the beach are. There is nothing at all discreet about a ladyboy. I dont think I’ve ever seen them hang out in Angol before.  You want a partner of either of the sexes or transgendered (i think?) ladyboys…fine. Go to Summer Place or walk around Station 2 later in the night. Just want girls? They’re all over Station 1, Station 2, D’Mall, Cocomangas, Gilly’s, Andoks, Bamboo Lounge, Regency, or any friggin where you walk on the beachpath in that area… but down here at Red Pirates. Anywhere past Station 3 is not a good place for them to be hanging around. Luckily, this might be short lived since they seem to be getting picked up by the newer retirees as ’sowing their hedonistic oats’ in their early days here. Ok, I’m done with that.

now its past midnight and I never finished this post.  Been looking for a picture of a “bag of Andoks” online…they closed the one near here and opened another one further down the beach…not exactly close walking distance…still noy too far but definately not an option for a quick trip. The hole in my leg is still jacked up so I’m not moving about very much.

Just a quick note.

My leg looks like it was shot with a .22 pistol and got infected. Hell, it happened when I was 19 or 20, got shot with a .22 and didnt know it till later. Now its infected and swollen but the Doc says it’ll be fine and to stop walking on it.  Not easy to do living on this hillside.

I’m 2 weeks expired on my visa but its normally OK since they have instant service here on Boracay and have no problems collecting the 500 peso penalty. Never any issues as long as I’m not a toublemaker - but this time, they’re not coming back until the middle of next month by which time I will not only be a month expired, but also lacking a certain “1 year” special visa stamp. Breaking 2 laws at once might get me thrown in jail…damnit! How do they get away changing their immigration tourist visa requirements 3 times in less than a year with out telling anyone?

The landlord is going to be in a legal world of hurt soon. I know he’s going to ask me for rent even though they have 90,000 pesos of deposit already for the last 3 months rent. Its just about to be the last 3 months. They already lied to me once before about owing them money and trying to change the original contract. I know for a fact they have no money left over to EVER return that deposit. And thats the rub. Of course they’re gonna ask for more rent…but before I leave this country, I’ll put a few thousand US Dollars into a lawyers hands and tell him to bleed them dry. I would rather pay thousands more and have these people feel the hurt of being lying scammers, their kids without food, their electricity turned off, etc…than to just quietly keep my money.

I think someone was staying in the house..theres a ton of daMarios take-out containers and also Andoks rice in the frige. I have never, ever, bought Andoks rice. The place is trashed and my bed looks like someone was sloppily eating beef stew on it. God, I hope its a food stain and not bloody skidmarks. Actually, there are several fluit stains on my sheets - the white sheets I bleached to perfection the day before I left.

I have someone telling people that I owe them a bartab at a bar I never drink at.

Apparently the house flooded while we were gone. Godamn typhoon winds.

There are 3 bars of soap in my bathroom. I have never had 3 bars of soap at the same time. Never. Not even a spare still in the package. Only 2.

I swear, I must have a new tapeworm because I’m friggin starving!

No joke, I am hungry as hell and I NEVER get hungry. I like to eat….a lot. I enjoy it possibly more than sex. I mean, I reaaaaaly like to eat. I can eat a lot at a single sitting but dont usually eat at single sittings (or in public for that matter). I tend to eat small dishes all day long and then a huge meal (in private) before passing out for the night. Thats me.

But I never get hungry. Never. Ever.

I can go a day or 2 without food and all is well, a bit of crankiness at most - but never hunger. Never that ‘empty stomach’ feeling or the growling. I had forgotten what its like until a few days ago. I was cooking some beef a week ago and all was good. Then 3 days ago, it was something labeled as pork tenderloin from BudgetMart. I dunno what it really is, but its always a safe and easy cook. I ate 2 of those with some chips and booze. Next morning, I was hungry so I cooked/ate another 2 throughout the day. Yesterday, jeeze I was hungry! So I ate a 12 inch daMarios pizza House (combo), 2 bags of chips, an order of fried calamaris, and half of one of their huge blocks of lasagna. It completely fills a take-out container.

At 8pm, I was hungry again damnit! So I had 4 BBQ skewers at Red Pirates (cooked to perfection by Rollhie).

And was hungry again at 2am when I was in Cocomangas and Gullies. I picked up 10 friggin pieces of fried chicken from Andoks. EWWWWWW…..ya, I know -nasty place. Unhealthy as hell but tastes good after a night of boozin’.

So this morning?  DAYMN I was starved! WTF?!?!? I ate more food in the last 3 nights than I usually eat in a week, but still have audible grumbles from my non-intestinal nether regions. What to do…..what to do…..oh, guess I’ll eat some of this leftover Andoks.

I’m not saying I have a tapeworm or anything, but hell, what is causing this? I have been losing weight though….

Sugar ants can predict typhoons - the recent invasion completely disappeared the morning before the typhoon hit Boracay. They came back at the end of the last rain and are back in force.

There is a former NASA engineer working as night-shift manager at a 24-hour bar in D’Mall….uh huh

Drunkenly walking thru a typhoon is easier than reporters make it look…either that or they’re drunk themselves.

NEVER take that large ‘emergency’ frozen bottle of water out of the freezer for longer than is necessary, it might make a difference between a little trash and a lot of rotten food.

Drunk Canadians with an accent like a drunk east Texan redneck should not be allowed in bars less than a kilometer from me.

Andoks is capable of closing; who would have thought.

Andoks does not need refrigeration: you will feel just as miserable the next morning regardless of refrigerator or not.

Solitaire by candle light sucks. It truly sucks. You cannot imagine how bad it wholly sucks.

Casual sex becomes “do you have a generator?”

Tokay geckos dont care if you just cleaned the house from top-to-bottom, they will crap huge nuggets whenever they please.

The ability to offer a clean-water shower can be traded for earthly sins.

Cocomangas never stops partying…ever.

The Baboy store will sell you tanduay in the middle of a typhoon…but only if he has a bottle left for himself.

Do not order any dishes with meat from a place that only uses generators at night time.

I can withstand being hit in the head, neck, and shoulders by flying coconuts. This is not bragging, but its still pretty damn interesting. Ok, yea its bragging.

The center of D’Mall is impervious to typhoon winds…possibly connected to the Bermuda Triangle

I am not the only person on this island that apologizes after pissing off people the night before.

The staff of Red Pirates are a dedicated bunch that let nothing stop the booze from flowing; even if that includes one of them standing on the thatch/nippa roof in sandblasting wind and rain to repair a few minor leaks.

Bags of trash are capable of levitating 200 meters and into other peoples houses.

It is possible to out-party people who have lived a party life for the last 5 years.

My neighbors do not need a 2-man-lift generator for basic sanitation, lights, fan, hotwater, cooking….no, they need it for a karaoke machine.

Having a spare and fully charged battery for the cell phone only matters when….when…. hell, it didnt matter. The service was out.

Sand can, and will, inform you of new body cracks it has found.

Rubbing alcohol is not a good way to clean the tabletop whilst using candles.

I think it started out poorly since I didn’t even leave the house until about midnight, after half a bottle of Tanduay rum. I recall Red Pirates closing down and moving in a northern direction. I ended up everywhere and nowhere. There was Isla Bayla, Bamboo, Juice Bar, some other place I don’t really remember much about except everyone there seemed preoccupied with acting like aristocrats but still managed to use the body language of trailer trash. I got the distinct impression that they were all uneducated people in nice clothes. So I staggered onward. Boracay party places needed my presence.

Once I headed to Station 2, one point was reinforced last night: being nice to people has its benefits. I got free drinks everywhere I went except for Summer Place, (not only will this NEVER happen, but they’re some of the most expensive around). Bartenders and managers that recognized me were like, forget it and give me some dap! (dapped)_ I only mention this because there were a few people I know that were snotty towards the staff at a few places and have since had their bills padded by other peoples drinks and almost always full-tourist price. Normally, my drinks are discounted to a more local rate, which is pretty cool.

There was Summer Place, Hey Jude, Sumer Place again, Isla Bayla again, and I forget where else I was at but I do remember closing down Summer Place and my body chemistry was fairly toxic by then. Is it bad that I’m straight but still know most of the ladyboys working the crowd? I found out one thing though: the professional transvestite entertainers that work at the Amazing Show, well, they don’t mix with regular ladyboys and seem to look down on them…well, I shouldn’t say ’seem’ because thats exactly what one of them told me. They’re still cool as hell, but I guess I never realized there was a classist mentality in that group.

I ran into a party girl I remembered from my early days here. She seemed coked out of her head and couldn’t stop talking for more than a few seconds. I assume thats what it was, but I didn’t ask.

I found out that Andoks had bottles of Red Bull. Whoops. They should have kept that secret from me.

I even stopped into a few places at daybreak to hang with some of the working girls that didn’t get any business…kinda like all the drunks going to IHOP in the states, only this was with prostitutes at bar-lounges that don’t close, so yea, more drinking.

I didn’t get back to the house until around 7:30 this morning and tried staying awake but that was a lost cause. I started freezing for some reason and killed the aircon around 0830. Very fitful sleep, stomach was having a twinge. My phone started blowing up with calls and text messages from a girl out here and finally I texted her back to leave me alone to sleep and turned the ringer off. She wanted to come over at noon.

Finally I woke up around 20:00 tonight and found a lot of texts and missed calls on my phone. Damnit! My good friend was having her 21st birthday party down on the beach and I missed it. Other people even texted me to say how good the BBQ and beer was and to get my ass down there. Honestly, even if I had been awake early enough, I don’t think I would have made it…it’s now 1:00 am the next morning and I’m still feeling like crap.

Damn–there went a power surge and drop…airconditioner is making funny noises now. See? just how the hell are we having a brown-out at 1:00 in the morning? It’s not even hot out tonight. What the hell?!?! I went to unplug some appliances and come back to find a cockroach on my floor - I friggin hate those things and we rarely ever see them here. I keep the house nice and poisoned.

Anyway, I’m still feeling ill and am sipping on a salty chicken-ramen soup while at the computer. Thats my big Saturday night. What the hell was I thinking! I could have partied like a rock-star tonight with my closest best friends but noooo…I had to go out last night by myself and just meet friends along the way.