Homeless Diver

I woke up around noon today and promptly did nothing but some more laundry. Bleaching all the whites in the house that seem dingy after the house was empty for almost a month. Haven’t been shopping since I got back so I made some instant oats as food, not that I was hungry but I need it with my meds or I get indigestion really bad. Got a lotta paper crap I’m clearing out so rather than haul it up to the mainroad next week (only 1 day trash service) I put the unused hibachi standing grill on the back balcony and burned a bunch of it today.

Pretty much did that and puttered around on the internet until an hour ago when I got some daMarios and talked with Jaqi and Rod down at Red Pirates.The weather on boracay is really nice right now with a solid constant breeze comming off the sea.

I have no idea why, but this is the 3rd night in a row that ladyboys have been hanging out in Red Pirates at the bar. I guess it makes business sense for them since a lot of the older guys at Casa Camilla are into that sort of thing….but c’mon, no need for them to be hanging out on this end of the island so much! And especially not in there. It’s too small to accomodate that scene…its like a nippa hut version of Cheers. I dont mean to go on about this but, until now, I never realized how discreet and low-key the gays on this end of the beach are. There is nothing at all discreet about a ladyboy. I dont think I’ve ever seen them hang out in Angol before.  You want a partner of either of the sexes or transgendered (i think?) ladyboys…fine. Go to Summer Place or walk around Station 2 later in the night. Just want girls? They’re all over Station 1, Station 2, D’Mall, Cocomangas, Gilly’s, Andoks, Bamboo Lounge, Regency, or any friggin where you walk on the beachpath in that area… but down here at Red Pirates. Anywhere past Station 3 is not a good place for them to be hanging around. Luckily, this might be short lived since they seem to be getting picked up by the newer retirees as ’sowing their hedonistic oats’ in their early days here. Ok, I’m done with that.

now its past midnight and I never finished this post.  Been looking for a picture of a “bag of Andoks” online…they closed the one near here and opened another one further down the beach…not exactly close walking distance…still noy too far but definately not an option for a quick trip. The hole in my leg is still jacked up so I’m not moving about very much.

I swear, I must have a new tapeworm because I’m friggin starving!

No joke, I am hungry as hell and I NEVER get hungry. I like to eat….a lot. I enjoy it possibly more than sex. I mean, I reaaaaaly like to eat. I can eat a lot at a single sitting but dont usually eat at single sittings (or in public for that matter). I tend to eat small dishes all day long and then a huge meal (in private) before passing out for the night. Thats me.

But I never get hungry. Never. Ever.

I can go a day or 2 without food and all is well, a bit of crankiness at most - but never hunger. Never that ‘empty stomach’ feeling or the growling. I had forgotten what its like until a few days ago. I was cooking some beef a week ago and all was good. Then 3 days ago, it was something labeled as pork tenderloin from BudgetMart. I dunno what it really is, but its always a safe and easy cook. I ate 2 of those with some chips and booze. Next morning, I was hungry so I cooked/ate another 2 throughout the day. Yesterday, jeeze I was hungry! So I ate a 12 inch daMarios pizza House (combo), 2 bags of chips, an order of fried calamaris, and half of one of their huge blocks of lasagna. It completely fills a take-out container.

At 8pm, I was hungry again damnit! So I had 4 BBQ skewers at Red Pirates (cooked to perfection by Rollhie).

And was hungry again at 2am when I was in Cocomangas and Gullies. I picked up 10 friggin pieces of fried chicken from Andoks. EWWWWWW…..ya, I know -nasty place. Unhealthy as hell but tastes good after a night of boozin’.

So this morning?  DAYMN I was starved! WTF?!?!? I ate more food in the last 3 nights than I usually eat in a week, but still have audible grumbles from my non-intestinal nether regions. What to do…..what to do…..oh, guess I’ll eat some of this leftover Andoks.

I’m not saying I have a tapeworm or anything, but hell, what is causing this? I have been losing weight though….

Sugar ants can predict typhoons - the recent invasion completely disappeared the morning before the typhoon hit Boracay. They came back at the end of the last rain and are back in force.

There is a former NASA engineer working as night-shift manager at a 24-hour bar in D’Mall….uh huh

Drunkenly walking thru a typhoon is easier than reporters make it look…either that or they’re drunk themselves.

NEVER take that large ‘emergency’ frozen bottle of water out of the freezer for longer than is necessary, it might make a difference between a little trash and a lot of rotten food.

Drunk Canadians with an accent like a drunk east Texan redneck should not be allowed in bars less than a kilometer from me.

Andoks is capable of closing; who would have thought.

Andoks does not need refrigeration: you will feel just as miserable the next morning regardless of refrigerator or not.

Solitaire by candle light sucks. It truly sucks. You cannot imagine how bad it wholly sucks.

Casual sex becomes “do you have a generator?”

Tokay geckos dont care if you just cleaned the house from top-to-bottom, they will crap huge nuggets whenever they please.

The ability to offer a clean-water shower can be traded for earthly sins.

Cocomangas never stops partying…ever.

The Baboy store will sell you tanduay in the middle of a typhoon…but only if he has a bottle left for himself.

Do not order any dishes with meat from a place that only uses generators at night time.

I can withstand being hit in the head, neck, and shoulders by flying coconuts. This is not bragging, but its still pretty damn interesting. Ok, yea its bragging.

The center of D’Mall is impervious to typhoon winds…possibly connected to the Bermuda Triangle

I am not the only person on this island that apologizes after pissing off people the night before.

The staff of Red Pirates are a dedicated bunch that let nothing stop the booze from flowing; even if that includes one of them standing on the thatch/nippa roof in sandblasting wind and rain to repair a few minor leaks.

Bags of trash are capable of levitating 200 meters and into other peoples houses.

It is possible to out-party people who have lived a party life for the last 5 years.

My neighbors do not need a 2-man-lift generator for basic sanitation, lights, fan, hotwater, cooking….no, they need it for a karaoke machine.

Having a spare and fully charged battery for the cell phone only matters when….when…. hell, it didnt matter. The service was out.

Sand can, and will, inform you of new body cracks it has found.

Rubbing alcohol is not a good way to clean the tabletop whilst using candles.

UPDATE: whoops, not everyone had power restored like I had said earlier. I went down to Red Pirates and sure enough, they were still without. Several bars/resorts along the southern end of White Beach didnt have power still…guess I was lucky. As far as I can tell now, everyone seems to have it restored. Honestly, I have no idea why I have it or even internet considering all the cables are under the remaining fallen palm tree.

I was going to post this on Yahoo Answers but screw em…its mine!

Heres the scoop:

Cell phone: Globe came on this morning, Smart has been stable for the past day. “Sun” is still showing up in the networks although no-one knows what that is…possibly some private venture someone let out of the bag during the emergency.

Land lines: the land-line phones are PLDC and never went down as far as I can tell. I have heard them ringing in houses even when the power was off and no generators connected…dont ask me, I profess ignorance on how that happened.

Electricity: Went down sometime early friday am, came back yesterday (Tuesday) about 5pm. Many resorts have generators but it was obvious that fuel was getting in short supply after a few days so usage was rationed to foodservice areas and rooms at night.  Sometimes. A great many places have no form of generators like Red Pirates bar, but that did not stop it from being full of patrons until early in the morning. I do not have generator access either, it sucked.—UPDATE—Seems like several places did not have electricity. I just assumed I would be one of the last ones to get it restored. I noticed Red Pirated was still out lastnight and gave Joey and Jen a good ribbing about it…Sorry guys!

Beaches: water came high on all beaches. Tambaasan is where the boats went to drydock but the water came all the way to the palm line and smashed a lot to bits. one person died the first day by trying to line a boat when he was smashed between it and another. I can get some pictures of this and post them. All the resorts have done an excellent job of cleaning up their respective areas. Even the kids scrounging for recyclable stuff to sell have made a windfall of this.

My Balcony: I have been thinking of chopping down a few recently overgrown banana and coconut palms that grew to obstructing my view of the sea.  Now I don’t have to, the exact ones blew down!  I have my view back!

Fuel: was in low supply. Rationing was enacted voluntarily because people were afraid they couldnt get it. The only formal gas station, Shell, refused to sell to people with jugs knowing that it was resorts getting the fuel and not for motor transport.–UPDATE—several people told me this was not accurate. Others told me this happened to them personally. I can only assume it was hit-n-miss for different people.

Water - household: BWSS ( or whatever its called now) was out for several days. There are conspiracy stories going around about how they selectivly shut off water to all but the highest bidders…this will prove devistation if true. Right now, its just a rumor because certain high-end places DID keep water while residential areas were without (smaller resorts as well). The Tubi water system was only out for a day and then only to certain areas. It was really low pressure for a few days so we all filled every spare bucket and container we had. This is all speculation and I’m sure everyone will deny it happened either way.

Food: never an issue except for those clueless people like myself that had only an electric burner…not a gas tank burner. Cooking is kinda hard. But food was never in short supply and yes, the stores were always open. They did keep the doors closed but hey, its a friggin typhoon! Just knock!.

Booze: Never a shortage of that on Boracay.

Flooding: a few nights everything was flooded. D’Mall wetmarket was about 10 inches deep. Back alleys were much worse. Main road between Station 1 and 2 were so deep that motor bikes couldnt get thru at one point… the water was halfway between the wheel axle and the upper section of tire!  Some areas, you simply couldnt see the road, sidewalks, dirt, nothing…just where the water met the buildings.

Clubs: one night, everything along the beachside closed. I found out why - sandblasting wind and crap falling off palms left and right. It was physically impossible for me to see where I was walking. I HAD to put my hand infront of my eyes to keep the horizontal onslaught from hurting. Over and over, I would run into other drunks just as stupid as myself to be walking along White Beach in the middle of a typhoon just as the inner wall was near us at night.

Cocomangas - you guys are troopers! Never once did they stop partying and on top of that, made some SPECTACULAR pizza! John, Scott, Chico, Sean, and staff…..you guys know how to keep it alive!

Didnt bother leaving the house today. This house, that is. Got in about 5am, turned the aircon on, slept a few hours, turned aircon off, slept until late in the afternoon, woke up sweating my butt off, aircon back on, been piddling on the internet in the nicely dark room ever since.

We had plans to go out last night with a group but they were eating late. Found another friend and had some drinks. Went to Red Pirates to say happy B-day to someone. Had more drinks. A friend comes by, he’s leaving his girlfriend and shes a bit upset about it…every one drinks. Went to someones huge house where more people are drinking. Some of us left for Cocomangas. Yes, there were drinks. A ‘whos-who’ of the island starts showing up, takes the party to another level. Place closes so we head to Gullies for more party, almost seems to be turning private. I actually danced. I had forgotten just how many hot (non-working) girls there are on this island. Place closes. Head to someones bigassed upstairs apartment and a largish afterparty ensues. Dude even has a set of turntables in there.

It was interesting. I think I might chill out for a while now.

I learned a lesson. Life lesson. Never read Tucker Max just before going out unless you already know his shit. Poor decisions will be made.

There was a line in there: “…because I am a bad person.” I used to be a bad person but somewhere between losing military rank 5 times in only 4 years, sitting in jail in Texas, working in Iraq - and now, I seem to have lost it. Fuck it.

I don’t remember leaving the BBQ at Blue Mango. I remember having something like 5 pork chops left then finding out the kitchen staff ate them, after I explicitly said I wanted them for the next day. I dont remember leaving Blue Mango or bringing my bag up to the house mit laptop, or putting the mattress back on my bed…but apparently I did as it was done when I returned around 4am. I do remember talking island conspiracy stories with 3 expat business owners here. Next I remember being in Cocomangas.

I somehow managed to be in Cocomangas beyond closing when the steel shutters were pulled down. That was neat, I think. At least they were nice enough to tell me the booze was locked up instead of kicking me the fuck out. I now remember it all being right behind the bar.

And there were whores. All over. I would call them ‘working girls’ or possibly ‘prostitutes’….but lets be real, if they’re going home with me at 4am with my shitfaced state of mind, yes, they be ho’s. Ho’s need luvin too. And I need a checkup. But not of Boracay.

I think Chad is pissed at me because of the way I brought a small party back to the house just before daybreak. Fuck it, he’ll get over it.

It was looking to be such a nice evening with the lessening of my cold. What the hell, lets go see what the guys are up to in the Blue Mango dive shop!

Nice weather, topless French girl on the beach, good breeze…man, that was a good decision I think to myself. Even though the new staff in the hotel can’t figure out the simplest task of taking a food order and drink order from me, its still OK. I’ll just wait for that rum and coke, the one that she repeated back to me. Twenty minutes later, still no drink. BAH I think…I’m not gonna dwell on it and let it ruin my unusually good mood.

Sitting there watching TV, chatting with friends, and sipping on drinks brought from the Bar next door (CocoLoco’s), and the lack of food…’C’ decides to on a trip to Arwanas for some fajitas and we’re taking a visitor. His first day on the isle and soon-to-be Army cadet/officer. A guarantee of good conversation for all of us; perpetuating the good mood. I like.

Arwanas, for some reason, has shut down the kitchen at around 6:30 PM. Really odd, so we ask why. This guy says its because there weren’t any customers….hmmm..then why the hell is it still open with music blasting downstairs and a full staff around? oh yea, there’s no customers because your dumbass keeps turning customers away!

Nextstop - Crafty’s Rooftop! Yes, good call. The food was good as always, the staff cool as hell, the drinks always perfect. Steve didn’t recognize me but what the hey, I haven’t seen him in a few months. Yes, definitely a good call to eat there.

Leaving there, I stop in at Hey Judes! You cant call it a night out unless you have stopped in at Hey Judes at least once. They keep on down the beach while I get a drink. They already have it ready for me in the 10 seconds since they saw me…thats what I call service!
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