Homeless Diver

I now have two of the large Tokay geckos. I used to think it was just a huge mother but now know its a different breed that rund around eating all the other smaller breeds of geckos, large bugs and… massive cock roached that are already posioned to death. Yuppers, I think they’re eating these 2 inch dead roached that died from uber doses of that Baygon posion thats so strong it makes even myself sick. Kills the huge roaches and spiders in a matter of seconds. But these geckos, they eat this toxic corpse and keep on truckin’.

Ya see, it was raining for almost two days last week and that drives these massive roaches inside thru the slatted windows, under doors and out of water drains. The hole in the drain grill is smaller than a pencil but they still manage to squeeze thru somehow. So I went around spraying all over and sure enough, a few hours later we had dead roaches all over; it looked like someone had unleashed muslim terrorism in the bug kingdom.

But the next morning, most of the corpses were gone. huh? A day later, I find these huge gecko turds and can easily identify it as whole-swollowed roach carcass.  I bet these bad ass lizards are kicking back doing shots of Baygon when I’m not looking.

Sugar ants can predict typhoons - the recent invasion completely disappeared the morning before the typhoon hit Boracay. They came back at the end of the last rain and are back in force.

There is a former NASA engineer working as night-shift manager at a 24-hour bar in D’Mall….uh huh

Drunkenly walking thru a typhoon is easier than reporters make it look…either that or they’re drunk themselves.

NEVER take that large ‘emergency’ frozen bottle of water out of the freezer for longer than is necessary, it might make a difference between a little trash and a lot of rotten food.

Drunk Canadians with an accent like a drunk east Texan redneck should not be allowed in bars less than a kilometer from me.

Andoks is capable of closing; who would have thought.

Andoks does not need refrigeration: you will feel just as miserable the next morning regardless of refrigerator or not.

Solitaire by candle light sucks. It truly sucks. You cannot imagine how bad it wholly sucks.

Casual sex becomes “do you have a generator?”

Tokay geckos dont care if you just cleaned the house from top-to-bottom, they will crap huge nuggets whenever they please.

The ability to offer a clean-water shower can be traded for earthly sins.

Cocomangas never stops partying…ever.

The Baboy store will sell you tanduay in the middle of a typhoon…but only if he has a bottle left for himself.

Do not order any dishes with meat from a place that only uses generators at night time.

I can withstand being hit in the head, neck, and shoulders by flying coconuts. This is not bragging, but its still pretty damn interesting. Ok, yea its bragging.

The center of D’Mall is impervious to typhoon winds…possibly connected to the Bermuda Triangle

I am not the only person on this island that apologizes after pissing off people the night before.

The staff of Red Pirates are a dedicated bunch that let nothing stop the booze from flowing; even if that includes one of them standing on the thatch/nippa roof in sandblasting wind and rain to repair a few minor leaks.

Bags of trash are capable of levitating 200 meters and into other peoples houses.

It is possible to out-party people who have lived a party life for the last 5 years.

My neighbors do not need a 2-man-lift generator for basic sanitation, lights, fan, hotwater, cooking….no, they need it for a karaoke machine.

Having a spare and fully charged battery for the cell phone only matters when….when…. hell, it didnt matter. The service was out.

Sand can, and will, inform you of new body cracks it has found.

Rubbing alcohol is not a good way to clean the tabletop whilst using candles.

Ever seen that Freak Show movie where bugs start crawling out of this guys body?  Or any one of the multitudes of sci-fi shows about bugs instantly coming out of nowhere? I think the first one was Ants in 1977. Ever since learning just how true the words of my roommate were about not leaviong ANYTHING out around this house or thousands of super tiny ants will be on them. Sometimes I think they’re termites but who knows. Anyway, a single drop of cola, tea, or anything not water will have a flock of them out in about 5 minutes.

But why on me? And my bed of all places? Trust me, I wash my sheets way more often than is natural. possibly as much as a hotel. And bleach them for a nice disinfected smell.  I cant stand crumbs in my bed or anything for that matter. No one gets on my bed w/o brushing their feet well on the towel on the floor. But these damn little transparent ant/termite/whatevers have been on my bed this pas week. I have put my mattress out for spraying and airing out in the sunlight twice this week, these fuckers still come back, get on my laptop and while Im pecking the keys, they get on me. I also am washed more often than is natural, so shaddap on those comments.

This is a pretty clean room these days. unfolded clean laundry in a clean chair is about it other than a cluttered table. But no food containers, no trash bags, look at this crap, there goes one now across the screen. Smooshed now. Arrogant lil bastards.

Small waves/periods of this, I could understand.  But the early rains last month caused a lot of cockroaches to start heading into peoples homes up here so I went and got several kinds of poisons. I poured and sprayed that crap all over the place. Windows, doors, corners, floorboards, table legs, table tops, and my room?….oh, I completely nuked my room. But hell, they keep coming back.  Its not a trail or anything I can follow, its like some bug recon, random directions.

Today, I sprayed the kerosene based persistent agent all over the room….and promptly got sick. nasty stuff.

Some positive thoughts for the day:

Mother nature is proving herself fertile as the mating season of flying termites is in full swing. They will have a bountiful season for offspring and new nesting areas! I know this because the flying new queens are all in my house, coming in the windows, under the doors, in my room….

This must be how a junkie feels going through withdrawls…the sensation of bugs crawling all over their skin.

Except these are real bugs.  We have these tiny things that look like sugar ants, but I don’t think they are. They are almost translucent with a hint of brown. And really tiny. As in small. So small that I once ate half a pizza that had them on it and didnt notice until I was swatting them off my face. Cant feel them until they start moving your fine hairs around. They come out of nowhere and they swarm really fast to food. But they never sting and I’m not sure they even have stingers–possibly not ants at all.

But DAMNIT>>>GET THE HELL OFF ME!!!!!!

I really should listen to Henry….every time I was spraying that Baygon that they sell here, he would chastise me for going back in the room or even being near it. Always talking about how unhealthy it was.

I always knew it but I dont normally get to spraying it until I’m drunk. And today, I sprayed far and wide, (sober this time).

I have this can of super-spray. Not the normal stuff they sell in the stores. I went up to the main road and had these guys go get it for me. Its a tall can with a picture of a roach and a folding spray tube. Which is cool. It was expensive and will kill pretty much anything. Its also a persistent agent. This stuff sticks around for a while and has some serious pressure in the can. I can spray the 12 foot tall ceiling with it.

Which I did today - there was a large roach on the ceiling. We rarely see those anymore since this house is mostly nuked with chemicals these days. But anyway, I sprayed this roach from 6 feet away and ill be damned if it didn’t start twitching immediately. Dead in 20 seconds.

Thats pretty damn strong stuff. And it’s a little scary considering it smells like generic air freshener - no kidding. So I sprayed a few window sills, under/behind the fridge, table area, random nooks and crannies, in the living room, in the spare room, in my room.

And now, I’m starting to twitch. Breathing is laborious. Feel tired. sinuses acting up and now, a case of the ass-squirts. Perhaps I should drink some brandy, that stuff cures anything.