Homeless Diver

So there I was, reading this diving magazine and it was pretty cool. The adverts for dive computers were friggin HUGE wrist units with tonnes of display face. Like something off a sci-fi underwater movie. Oddly enough, these ads for BCD’s look like the simple rental ones in diveshops but they are touted as innovative. And the articles, they described a crapload of places in SE Asia with facinating pristine pictures and looking undisturbed completely. I was like YES! All these new cool dive spots and they’re all nearby! But something is off…

Whats this? An article about someone making an underwater IMAX movie? Who still does that? And that Sea Shepard guy, these people are actually supporting him? Daymn! Not even Green Peace will associate with him.

Halfway thru the magazine I recognize this place in Palawan but the article says its off limits. Hmmmm…. Pictures of remains on the cave floor underwater…hmmm…… Then I spot it, a picture of these people underwater conducting the survey - and this guys mask is the old fashioned round faceplate with the metal band holding the rubber skirt to it. WTF?!?! Thats some old skool shit they dont even sell anymore!

Ok, here’s an article about the University of Philippines placing some area offlimits to harvesting turtles … now I know something is wrong because there is no chance in hell of that actually having any worth. Its so retarded that no-one bothers posting stories like that anymore since they’ll be ignored anyway by fishermen.

Lets check something here - - -oh….. the magazine is 10 years old.

I never thought about it until now, but I am finally broken of the habit of spending hours on the toilet with reading material.

Even in Iraq, I would grab a book and spend an hour in there, sometimes three. Theres no air conditioning in those hooches for the crapper, so you can tell it was a deeply ingrained habit of mine. When  was on night shift, I would take my to-go breakfast place and set it on the sink counter with a bottle of vodka and a few orange juice boxes.  Then drop trou and settle in for some literature…. crapping in there somewhere.

I have a new magazine to read and somehow, that did not come to mind. Since arriving in the Philippines I cannot spend any time in the CR/WC/bathroom/crapper. I think its because they are all wet and musty smelling, even when freshly clened. They dont use ass-wipe here but instead do a modified haji wash. I think. I’ve never watched but I know theres always a damn scoop and no paper. Every floor is sealed tile..or a hole in the ground depending on what poorly decided back ally bar you decided to visit. This tile will dry, but its still got crumbs of shat amongst it. (yes, I had to think for those last 2 words). I spend more water cleaning my floor than myself, lots more.

I dont think the magazine-toilet condition will ever develop in SE Asia nations. They take a functionary attitude to toilet use and bathing. I like my bathroom to be nicer than a VIP lounge, and once chose my hotel in Amsterdam based on the bathroom alone.