Homeless Diver

I truly hate the dog shit out of this island. I hate the fair-weather friends. I hate the foreigners. I hate the water. I hate the sun. i hate the insane amount of prostitutes on this island. i hate people ruining the atmosphere of established bars because they have no fucking class. i hate the humidity. i hate bartenders padding my bill. i hate paying more because im white. i hate scummy people.  i hate not being able to go anywhere or do anything w/o every mother fucker on the island knowing about it. i hate people getting into my shit. i hate people talking shit about me when ive been level with them. fuck em.

Im gonna find me a baseball bat. wooden. i really hate this fucking place. fuck this place.

I hate liers. I hate them. I especially hate the godloving fuck out of people trying to get money from me they’re not owed. i hate brown outs. again, i hate the police that let gaggles of whores and fags-for-hire harass tourists. i have the muslim vendors association. i hate the media and government making this place out to be some paradise its not. i hate tanduay but i still drink it…i hate that. i hate the cats getting into my house.

i really, really do not like boracay right now.

There is no such thing as privacy on Boracay. It doesn’t matter if you need it or not…every fucking person on this shit hole talks about shit they have no clue about. Ever play the circle-talk-rumor- game? 1st person starts with a sentence and each person whispers it into the ear of the person on their side - until it gets back to the original person. Almost always, in non-institutional areas (military, jail) the idea becomes garbled and different from the original….thus making a false rumor. But here on Boracay, its like the 1st person exclaiming there is no wind….but the second person relays a 20 minute speech on the evils of pull-tab soda cans.

Exactly! It has nothing to do with the truth and only took 1 person. Imagine when its like that thru 200 such people? To that end, it is NOT true that what happens on Boracay, stays on Boracay…or even shit that didn’t happen.

Example: I was in Manila recently and a lot of the Boracay group gathered for one last night-out with a month-long visitor. I arrived with her and nothing more. I did not sit next to her. I did not chill with her. Little conversation, very little. I did not buy her drinks. A person could have stared at me all night and never have any reason to think we were a couple or even friends. It was a group with about 15 eople.

But I come back to Boracay and this bartender (that I hardly see) congratulates me on getting engaged with my manila girlfriend. ———— What the Fuck!?!?!

He clamms up and acts like he doesnt speak english anymore. But it didnt stop there. Several girls found out about me being back and started texting.  A few mentioned my Manila girlfriend. I ignored it until the bartender had mentioned it. Then, last night, I got a text from a girl about my girlfriend in Manila. I have to go thru 15 text messages and she still wont tell me what the hell she’s talking about….. then I remember ……. she was there in Hard Rock cafe that night in Manila. She’s also the ONLY person in that group that lives on Boracay now aside from myself. She was the guest of another person in the group…yea <no name> you know who I’m talking about.

Enlightenment dawns on me… but still, the shit just got real. It was bad enough to find a lot of my friends thinking I was a transvestite during my absence, (must be a pretty damn poor one), but now this HO simply saw me walk into a Manila bar within a few minutes of a Manila girl, and nothing else, but decided to open her cock-holster to tell people on Boracay who-knows-what that ends up with me being engaged to the girlfriend of one of my buddies? What The Holy FUCK, over?

Now, as I’m writing this I was also texting a good friend on mine. She tells me that someone had told her I was admittedly gay - WAAAY back in the day..probably in September or November last year. Fucking great. Just fucking great. This island is full of people that spread rumor and lies like it was free candy…wildfire!…but god damn if this shit has been said about me for the past year and I’m just now finding out.

I give official notice: I will never trust a single mother fucker on this island again. I will assume you are lying to my face. Expat or local, doesnt matter. If you see me smile then rest assured that I’m thinking of how nice it would be to see you at your own funeral. Fuck you.

In these online courses, I’m finding myself having to do constructive comments to other peoples posts…..people who write like the takeout window at Wendy’s was the highlight of their career - 4 years ago before they started popping out kids at age 19.

So I wonder…and I think….

The ‘dirty masses’ media says things like don’t compare yourself to models and sports stars. Dont compare yourself against anyone. Be yourself. Do what you enjoy. Money cant buy you happiness.

Bullshit it cant!

So I compare myself against other all the time. The fact that I wont take any job that pays less than $120k/yr might say something about my goals. One person in class mentioned ‘what happens when you reach the top? Why not keep going?” And I think…silly drive-thru attendant. If I reach the economic top, there is no where to go because I will have sucked all of the resources from those below me…..they fail, then I fail. So please, stop having babies so you can keep some of that money yourself. Help make me rich and powerful. Get a second job at the gas station. You know you want it.

Corporate America….its not a job description, its a mentality. I have seen people vastly more intelligent than myself blather on about how ‘it ain’t fair!’ because of how I make money even when unemployed. I guess I could be idealistic and poor. Or not. I joined the other side.

And the other side is nice.

I have only been looking for a job for about a week and someone I didn’t even contact asked me for my resume. I mean hell, I have never had a problem finding a job in my life.

So whats to stop a person from wanting it all? Some people want but …gawd! I swear…even their professional writing looks like the transcript from a Jerry Springer show.

• -Oh no u dint!
• –I was like, um, essays are cool and all and like fiction to.
• –I just want the luv of God in my childrns lifes HE safes all.
• –1 day i want to be the floor tile manager an i mite cuz i nows my stuff

So why not be at the top? I mean, some people are born intellectually greater than others. Imagine a kid that had 20 years of national Geographic magazines and an encyclopedia set that was 10 years older than himself. No kids books. This kid teaches himself to read and already tough himself the practice of basic phonetics, all before entering kindergarten. No, its not a child genius, but the point is that some people just ‘get’ things. Others don’t. Education will not help them.

I think I’ve gotten too used to being down on the south end of the island. It’s the economy/ghetto part. When I run into someone that can use 4 syllable words, I almost feel intimidated like they were sent to test me or send me off to the Soylent Green factories.

I think it’s not just me. I think this place affects all the expats here. Sure, some were already dense but all it takes is a little time away and every one seems different. This place drains you. People talk about how they would love to stay here. But they wouldn’t. This is a place that you come to to die. Retire then die on Boracay. You will enjoy the hell out of it for a week or two as a vacation, but its really boring once you realize how ghetto this place really is. they didn’t spend any effort making it look quaint - that’s just the natural ghettoness of it.

Every time I post this stuff online, someone gets uppity and does the “if you don’t like it, then leave!” OK, so I will leave. I have spent over $30,000 USD into the Philippine economy this past year. I will take it and go. They are steadily letting their anti-foreigner attitudes creep into politics.

I can has cheep boos?