Homeless Diver

She knocked on the door loudly for 5 minutes, every 15 minutes for two hours. Thats not determination, thats fucking stupid. I have one rule about the ‘outside’ here - don’t ever do anything that will create any kind of attention. Pretty simple huh? This list is pretty much a breakdown - applies to friends, not paying guests.

• no knocking on doors unless its really quiet
• no crying
• no loud conversations
• no ‘loudspeaker’ function on the cell phone
• no bringing people up here w/o prior notice
• if it’s daylight, generally stay the hell inside
• no talking to neighbors
• no-no-no talking to the landlords downstairs, just smile-say you don’t know-and don’t stop walking
• no cigarette butts on the ground (all trash included)

Pretty easy stuff. But the door knocking is my peeve with her. Every time she’s done it, I lose my temper in an embarrassing way. But it happens all the damn time. She looks up with these puppy dog ayes and says ‘I’m sowwy..” And that just makes me madder. Its a massive wooden door and a person has to beat the hell out of it to be heard inside the rooms. But by then, it sounds like construction going on nearby…which is exactly what I though it was today. You can tell I’m in a bad mood these past few days.

She knows its a pet peeve of mine, but still never connects the dots as to why I get pissed off.

Lets start from the beginning, around midnight or so. I was still sick and pissing from my arse. Ole girl was pissing me off with silly little stuff like making childish whining groans and saying “baybeeeee! I’mmmm sooo hungreeeeeey!” Couldnt opt for a simple “do we have something to eat?” or even “I’m hungry”. No, she has to do it in that so fucking annoying voice like a child wanting candy at the supermarket checkout line.

Then the power goes out from 01:00 until almost 03:00 am. No where even close to peak usage/consumption times. Sleep until around 17:00 in the afternoon. Get up and clean some more, going after the kitchen that time. Find a spider in the bag of carrots that I’ve been bitten by before. I really hate them - look mean and hurt like hell. Then an army of ants come out to eat him.

Shave my head again because this cracker just isnt doing so well in the heat these days. But for today, the weather was really nice. Opened the windows to let the wind in.

Our guest stops by and we had a good discussion about biology and genetic sequencing. Quite refreshing since it’s a rare treat on Boracay to have conversations about anything more complicated than sports on TV. Imagine the school geek being sent to a football/baseball summer camp. Thats me, here. I’m not saying that diving is anywhere close to being a ham-fisted knuckle-dragging sport like american football, but lets just leave it by saying that I really enjoyed the hell out of the conversation even when he was way over my head, (he’s a University Professor).

We had a few drinks, he sprite and coke~cola, myself coke/rum and a bottle of 2003 something white wine from Napa Valley. Started on hot-gluing the framework of a paper-mache’ lampshade project hobby of mine. Sealed a floater-jar as part of my personal artificial reef that I’m putting together without telling anyone. Its gonna be small and, erm, well odd. I guess it would more readily fall into an Art category. But by calling it an artificial reef addition, it becomes legal to put it where I intend on putting it. Screw it, if the Rotary club here can get away with dropping a bronze plaque of their chapters seal and call it reef restoration, then I’ll use their excuse too.

ole girl starts cooking a ton of bacon and ham while were talking and fills the kitchen with grease smoke. Talk about a non-cooking person. I cleaned the HELL out of the kitchen during this time. Manage to put a bloody fingerprint on the wall again. Drops of blood on the floor. Don’t know how I cut my finger so deeply.

This whole time, the weather is so nice that I’m not using the aircon and don’t really stand in front of the fan either. Apparently I told him that I would go snorkeling with him in the morning. He leaves around 2 or 3 or 4, I forget. By this time, I’m drunk and take off walking to get some cigarettes. Came back and for some reason, decided that it would be a good time to fry some ham slices, poach a few eggs in hot oil, slap it on a sammich with cheese, and grill the whole damn thing! I barely remember eating it. But my nicely clean kitchen? no more.