Homeless Diver

I dont really remember when I started but it was around 04:30 when I woke up and left for Isla Baila, which is still closed for construction, which is OK because I had a tab there. So heck, now I’m just gonna have to bar-hop my way down the beach to all those tiny hotel bars that never close - usually the Korean places. Then I moved on to the Bamboo Lounge (one of a dozen places called Bamboo) because it’s 24′hrs and a last stop for the night owls.

I ordered the usual drinks and also some chicken wings and  onion rings - booze munchies. 30 minutes later, they come out to tell me they dont have this…30 minutes after I had ordered it. Crap. OK, so what can they do? They say they can take out a frozen chicken, chop and fry. Cool. This food comes out another 45 minutes later looking distinctly like it had been choppidy-chopped randomly whilst still frozen.

Next stop, Blue Mango where I drop some stuff in a locker and commence to swimming. A few hours later I’m in Red Pirates dripping all over the place and having a few handfuls of morning drinks. Back to Blue Mango to settle a tab and slide over to Cocolocos for some redbull vodkas. Back to Blue Mango for more drinks.

Thess was packing up for the low season and invited a few people over for a ‘few’ drinks. This might not have been the best idea of the day. Shes cool as hell and the best bartender you will ever find. Great friend. But still….inviting us never ends sublimely.

Now its off to Arwanas for drinking on the roof.  I have no idea why, but the kitchen downstairs decided to close at - - wait for it - - - 2:30 in the afternoon! It’s got an independent management and tends to close during the low points of the day rather than wait for the evening rush…. So we order some Smokes (yes, thats the name of the resto).

There was an Aussie, 2 Brits, 4 Americans (1 chick), 3 Filipinas, and for a few minutes…a few watch/jewelry vendors. Other people came and went for a little while, all of them we knew.  There was yelling from the balcony. There were drinking games like guessing ‘boxers, briefs or nothing’ for each of the group. Wrong guesses involved a shot of Tanduay - which is not meant to be done in shots. It needs something to mask th taste.

The Vendors, we got 2 of them to do shots. Their boss was with em’ and told them to go-ahead. They thought we were gonna buy some watches if they shot the booze - we bought no watches after they did the shots. As they walked down, it dawned on me what kind of headdress they had on and the patch on the vest: Muslim Vendors Association.  BWHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!  I like that, people not too tied up in ones religion to take time out for a small bit of rum. I saw them today down near Tourist Center. They were laughing and pointing at me saying “No watches today sir! Tanduay time!” ; they all laughed that internal kind of laugh you get from Mexican police when you demand your phone call. I’m sure it was sarcastic but hell, it was still funny.

Anyway, back to last night: I remember the food arriving in the daylight. I remember a dude and chick going swimming. I remember someone commenting “I promise, I wont shag ya in the shower - if I do then I’ll give ya all 10,000 pesos from me pocket”. I remember her running down the sidewalk, full tilt, to her room and him trotting off behind her leisurely. I remember making a comment to a Brit about how apparently his town in England didn’t have any dental plans. I remember leaving…and getting home to find the power out. I remember trying to fight a dog - yelling at full volume that I was gonna kill it if it barked one more time. The landlord came to calm me down and had the owners take the dog around the other side of the house (they didnt speak english it seems).

Thats all I remember of yesterday. There are some rather large blocks of time missing.

Someone woke me up about midnight…and thankfully the power was back on. I asked what time did we get back?”, She replied “around 7″.  I was blacked out before 7pm..that might be a new record for me. I slept from 7pm to midnight…then from 1am to 1:30pm………..wow.

Boracay has another victim - me.

I have a massive blue/black bruise on my upper ass cheek, cuts on the wrist that look like a sorry attempt at suicide, heavy cloth cargo shorts with a cut in the back, a knot on my head…and I’m limping like a gimp in physical therapy. Spent all day yesterday in bed, all day today until 19:30. I was doing OK down on the beach to get some cash but as soon as I came back up the hill, hell no! pain.

I stayed on the laptop last night working on those other stories until the power went out for most of the 1am-4am hours. I was hoping it was temporary. Its not leaving yet and is 48hrs old and getting worse so I might have to get it checked out but this is Boracay, which has very little in the way of standardized medicine. Last time I went for an injury, they misdiagnosed me and shot me full of Tramadol before asking if I was allergic. I know my own drug interactions so I just watched how far they would continue with improper practices.  It never stopped. Thats another story completely…and would be long and scathing.

I fell down the stairs. In the jungle. I’m sticking to that story. You can understand my reluctance to get looked at here on Boracay.

Check out the inner wall of the eye on Typhoon Fengshen (Frank)! This joker came right next to us that night my drunk ass was walking around the island! You can see the eye open up right at its peak intensity next to Boracay

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Didnt bother leaving the house today. This house, that is. Got in about 5am, turned the aircon on, slept a few hours, turned aircon off, slept until late in the afternoon, woke up sweating my butt off, aircon back on, been piddling on the internet in the nicely dark room ever since.

We had plans to go out last night with a group but they were eating late. Found another friend and had some drinks. Went to Red Pirates to say happy B-day to someone. Had more drinks. A friend comes by, he’s leaving his girlfriend and shes a bit upset about it…every one drinks. Went to someones huge house where more people are drinking. Some of us left for Cocomangas. Yes, there were drinks. A ‘whos-who’ of the island starts showing up, takes the party to another level. Place closes so we head to Gullies for more party, almost seems to be turning private. I actually danced. I had forgotten just how many hot (non-working) girls there are on this island. Place closes. Head to someones bigassed upstairs apartment and a largish afterparty ensues. Dude even has a set of turntables in there.

It was interesting. I think I might chill out for a while now.

It was looking to be such a nice evening with the lessening of my cold. What the hell, lets go see what the guys are up to in the Blue Mango dive shop!

Nice weather, topless French girl on the beach, good breeze…man, that was a good decision I think to myself. Even though the new staff in the hotel can’t figure out the simplest task of taking a food order and drink order from me, its still OK. I’ll just wait for that rum and coke, the one that she repeated back to me. Twenty minutes later, still no drink. BAH I think…I’m not gonna dwell on it and let it ruin my unusually good mood.

Sitting there watching TV, chatting with friends, and sipping on drinks brought from the Bar next door (CocoLoco’s), and the lack of food…’C’ decides to on a trip to Arwanas for some fajitas and we’re taking a visitor. His first day on the isle and soon-to-be Army cadet/officer. A guarantee of good conversation for all of us; perpetuating the good mood. I like.

Arwanas, for some reason, has shut down the kitchen at around 6:30 PM. Really odd, so we ask why. This guy says its because there weren’t any customers….hmmm..then why the hell is it still open with music blasting downstairs and a full staff around? oh yea, there’s no customers because your dumbass keeps turning customers away!

Nextstop - Crafty’s Rooftop! Yes, good call. The food was good as always, the staff cool as hell, the drinks always perfect. Steve didn’t recognize me but what the hey, I haven’t seen him in a few months. Yes, definitely a good call to eat there.

Leaving there, I stop in at Hey Judes! You cant call it a night out unless you have stopped in at Hey Judes at least once. They keep on down the beach while I get a drink. They already have it ready for me in the 10 seconds since they saw me…thats what I call service!
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I think it started out poorly since I didn’t even leave the house until about midnight, after half a bottle of Tanduay rum. I recall Red Pirates closing down and moving in a northern direction. I ended up everywhere and nowhere. There was Isla Bayla, Bamboo, Juice Bar, some other place I don’t really remember much about except everyone there seemed preoccupied with acting like aristocrats but still managed to use the body language of trailer trash. I got the distinct impression that they were all uneducated people in nice clothes. So I staggered onward. Boracay party places needed my presence.

Once I headed to Station 2, one point was reinforced last night: being nice to people has its benefits. I got free drinks everywhere I went except for Summer Place, (not only will this NEVER happen, but they’re some of the most expensive around). Bartenders and managers that recognized me were like, forget it and give me some dap! (dapped)_ I only mention this because there were a few people I know that were snotty towards the staff at a few places and have since had their bills padded by other peoples drinks and almost always full-tourist price. Normally, my drinks are discounted to a more local rate, which is pretty cool.

There was Summer Place, Hey Jude, Sumer Place again, Isla Bayla again, and I forget where else I was at but I do remember closing down Summer Place and my body chemistry was fairly toxic by then. Is it bad that I’m straight but still know most of the ladyboys working the crowd? I found out one thing though: the professional transvestite entertainers that work at the Amazing Show, well, they don’t mix with regular ladyboys and seem to look down on them…well, I shouldn’t say ’seem’ because thats exactly what one of them told me. They’re still cool as hell, but I guess I never realized there was a classist mentality in that group.

I ran into a party girl I remembered from my early days here. She seemed coked out of her head and couldn’t stop talking for more than a few seconds. I assume thats what it was, but I didn’t ask.

I found out that Andoks had bottles of Red Bull. Whoops. They should have kept that secret from me.

I even stopped into a few places at daybreak to hang with some of the working girls that didn’t get any business…kinda like all the drunks going to IHOP in the states, only this was with prostitutes at bar-lounges that don’t close, so yea, more drinking.

I didn’t get back to the house until around 7:30 this morning and tried staying awake but that was a lost cause. I started freezing for some reason and killed the aircon around 0830. Very fitful sleep, stomach was having a twinge. My phone started blowing up with calls and text messages from a girl out here and finally I texted her back to leave me alone to sleep and turned the ringer off. She wanted to come over at noon.

Finally I woke up around 20:00 tonight and found a lot of texts and missed calls on my phone. Damnit! My good friend was having her 21st birthday party down on the beach and I missed it. Other people even texted me to say how good the BBQ and beer was and to get my ass down there. Honestly, even if I had been awake early enough, I don’t think I would have made it…it’s now 1:00 am the next morning and I’m still feeling like crap.

Damn–there went a power surge and drop…airconditioner is making funny noises now. See? just how the hell are we having a brown-out at 1:00 in the morning? It’s not even hot out tonight. What the hell?!?! I went to unplug some appliances and come back to find a cockroach on my floor - I friggin hate those things and we rarely ever see them here. I keep the house nice and poisoned.

Anyway, I’m still feeling ill and am sipping on a salty chicken-ramen soup while at the computer. Thats my big Saturday night. What the hell was I thinking! I could have partied like a rock-star tonight with my closest best friends but noooo…I had to go out last night by myself and just meet friends along the way.