A guy lost on Boracay

Civilized people are confused by the need for this sort of notice, but lets be clear – this is not a culture difference, its a lack of social evolution.

So the other day, I’m waking from a bout of bad food and 2 days in bed but its 3am – time to drink. Waking up and having no-one to talk to at 3am is all the reason any man ever needed to down a bottle of 2 dollar rum… so I did.

About 3 and a half hours later, it seemed a really good idea to travel to a neighboring island to buy a rat. El Ratta! So… I did that too.

Many people like telling you that traveling around this biatch is easy and to be honest, its not hard – just time consuming and annoying at dealing with people you dont need to deal with to start with. Give a person a starched white shirt with a name tag and the immediate area becomes the personal kingdom of a 4 foot tall brown skinned monarch asking retarded questions like “do you own a house or an apartment in the US” as if thats part of the threat screening process. Gotta be sure to keep those scummy low class apartment dwellers out of our fine 3rd world country.

Three hours later, I’m in Kalibo buying a couple of rats: 1 albino female and 1 black/white male. Sho’nuf…I wasn’t sober enough to realize they were mice. Get all the way back to the jetty port here and I swear to god these people are like hillbilly TSA agents. A guy walks thru with pistol holster sticking out and sets the alarm off, they wand him and it goes off too… they dont check.  I get the 3rd degree about a 2.5 inch Gerber pocket knife. They pulled me aside over this! I’m like… people, here’s my residency card. They sell switchblades and gun ammo on Boracay to anyone walking thru the door… what do you expect me to do, hijack a fucking boat and commit illegal circumcisions? I’m not crossing on a seaplane, its a 20 minute boat ferry… and a pocket knife. Go arrest those Filipinos over there for traveling with a pot of fish eyeball soup.. how the hell’d they get that on the plane to start with?

Finally, they realize that a fat white guy with a limp isn’t going to be whittling any holes and sinking the ferry in a random act of terrorism boredom … then again with the questions:

• whats this?
• a couple baby rats
• babies?
• baby rats, el bambino rattas
• you eat?
• yea sure.
• in here? (shakes the box like a kid getting to the last piece of cereal)
• well, i hope so, just run them through the machine
• no, is OK. go ahead.

We catch the “fast boat” of Montenegro lines and lets be clear about one thing… there’s nothing fast about this thing. It’s slow as hell but at least its enclosed, semi-airconditioned, and has comfortable seating; a converted yacht. I had the luxury of joining a boatload of Korean tourists whose female contingent decided to menstruate all at once, the air was thick with it.

Twenty minutes later, I’m finally back home after negotiating my way through the insufferable girls trying to sell rooms and trike rides at Boracay jetty port. Aaaannnnnnnnnnddd…………….BROWN OUT!

Hell yea! I love this shit! Open the box and damnit, the albino mouse is dead. When the jerk-off Caticlan security officer shook the box, he must have squeezed the end and opened the interior flap and the mouse getting tossed about got her neck caught in there… strangled to death. Six hours of travel and one of my two new pets is dead because of an un-intelligent port guard.

Source [1] , [2] .

BORACAY ISLAND, Philippines —A 28-year-old Mongolian national was shot and wounded by a Filipino manager inside a club at Boracay Island in Malay, Aklan early morning yesterday.

Police identified the victim as Ryenchinsureh Suhuvaatar, 28, a Mongolian man residing in Russia and temporarily staying at a resort in Barangay Balabag of Boracay.

Suhuvaatar sustained gunshot wounds on the abdomen and right forearm and was rushed to DRSTM hospital.

Members of the Boracay Special Tourist Police Office (BSTPO) arrested Alex Dechimo, 29, manager of Live City who hails from Home Site Subdivision in Bacolod, City, Negros Occidental, and presently residing at the same barangay where the shooting occurred.

Recovered from the suspect’s possession was a .357 caliber Magnum revolver with three live ammunitions and two spent shells on its cylinder. Dechimo also yielded with a black sling-shoulder nylon-polyester bag containing his driver’s license and four .38 caliber special live ammunition.

Reports said that both the victim and the suspect were inside Club Manila East Boracay at around 4:50 a.m. when the incident happened, but there were no details yet on the circumstances that triggered the shooting. Boracay PNP investigators are still conducting investigation on the incident.

another

In his report to Chief Supt. Cipriano Querol Al-Haj, regional police director of Western Visayas, Gumban said Suhuvaatar, a resident of Golpitalnry Val 55-79 Russia, was hit in his abdomen and right forearm.

The arrest of Dechimo, manager of Live City in Boracay island, yielded a 357 magnum revolver with three live ammos and two spent shells on its cylinder, a black shoulder nylon polyester bag containing a professional driver’s license, and four live ammunition of a .38 caliber revolver.

Suhuvaatar, 28, who is staying at Frendz Resort in Brgy. Balabag, Boracay Island, is being treated for his gunshot wounds at the Dr. Rafael S. Tumbokon Memorial Hospital in Kalibo, Aklan.

Gumban said they have not yet established the motive for the shooting, but the BSTPO is readying charges against Dechimo.*GPB