But here, its been  OK with cool days and a nominal breeze. The waters calmed down so diving is back on. I’m trying to get away from rum & coke and San Miguel beer (both lite and pils) just tastes like shit to me so I’m drinking  a lot of pina~colada’s . After coming back, I found my contacts don’t ‘work’ anymore so I’ll need to get a new contact prescription although the glasses still work just fine. Until then, no diving for me.

Theres a Filipino group here on vacation for the past few days and it seems to be three married couples and a few kids. They tend to buy food/drink at Budget Mart then plop down on the beach in front of a resort for the whole afternoon, obviously on a small budget. Yesterday afternoon, I shit you not, their kids came begging money from me. How fucking low-class can you get?! Your kids begging for money while on vacation!

Been eating a lot at Blue Mango, Cocolocos, and Sundown but at $6-8 bux a meal (1st world prices), its kinda just been average food. Possibly the supplies. Even Carne Bora sent me some tough meat. It might sound interesting but trust me, mayonnaise and chopped garlic does not make a good shrimp tempura sauce although it’s better than nothing. Yesterday was perfect weather for me but a fast bug hit me shortly before sundown and I had to retire for the day.

Around noon, I realized what day it was and headed down to sip-n-grip some purple drank! a.k.a. anything with alcohol. The only plan was to make the rounds, Jammers and all. Starting with a few Piña Colada’s from Blue Mango but there wasn’t anyone about, not even strangers to drink with next door at Cocolocos. Clearly, this end of the beach was drop-dead-empty. Not a soul in the restos, on the beach, or it the pathway. Moving down the beach to Red Pirates, there were some French Canadians engaged in getting their drank on. Mai Tai’s yea, that sounds good! Jen, Don, Canadian, friends who’s name escapes me, and another dude that said he was American but sounded British Royalty. People came, people went. Apparently, I never made it up the beach to Station 2 & 1.

Don’t really remember leaving, but at least the morning light didn’t reveal any chicken wings stuck to the wall this time.

Went on a excellent dive at Friday’s Rock with a young Australian couple, Dustin, and myself. We back-rolled down the line. Dustin took us around the south face for a nice, relaxed viewing. Found a few large eels and the clown fish, of course,  were trying to pick a fight with me. No-one else, just me… there’s bad blood between us, my ancestors used to own theirs.

Fish Feeding:  Tons of fish and visibility was at least 30 meters. Everyone was playing nice then the sea bass got aggressive and turned red, but they slowed as well. Some fast nips and small fighting – lasted for a while. Out of the blue, a tandem couple of crevalle jacks darted in blazing fast to snatch some smaller fish! They did this over the next 5 minutes and were fairly successful. I would estimate about 100 various mid-sized/smaller fish, a dozen parrot fish, 25 large sea bass (1 meter long), and a few pairs of these crevalle jacks.

Moving on, there were the usual suspects of blue/yellow nudis, some more eels, a stonefish the size of a basketball, etc…

Trying out the new gear I found the gloves good, the low-cut anklet booties fitting better than any I’ve had before, and the Jet Fins… well, they fit great and certainly have power… but it’s different than using other types of fins. Practice is what I need. They have some extra weight so I might find myself getting a wetsuit for standardized buoyancy. For starters, I can easily drop 2 or 3 kilos of lead.

It was a double dive with Blue Mango’s new instructor, Tom (UK). He’s spent the last 8 months with the Shangri La dive shop and decided for a change. He’s a different sort that says divers shouldn’t have to carry their own gear once they get to Advanced Open Water. Says they’ve paid their dues and the dive shop should be doing that because they’re being paid after all. Ya know something? He’s right.

Five (5) divers: Instructor, a former DM, cute girl from Amsterdam, myself, and a guy from Alaska who parties like a rock-star. We took spare tanks (nitrox for me), water, some mango’s and headed off.

Balinghai turned out to be a frisky drift, which was a first for me. Visibility was decent at about 15 meters but with a steady flow to the north, I really had no idea where I was. For me, it was a little boring as we drifted along the base of a slope w/o seeing much, certainly not the pots. The Alaska guy was all over the place, looking like MC Hammer with the arm waving which was amusing.

Took our time getting to the Camia II sunken ship while re-hydrating and the others ate some mango’s. Just needed time to out gas.  Here, I realized my other nitrox tank hadn’t been loaded and used a spare air instead. Once in, there was still a little current but very slight and came down directly over the ship. Alaska dude hopped in early and promptly puked up his mango… to the right, to the left, and once directly up.

Camia is my favorite dive site here. Generally, we drop from the south, encircle the bottom to the left around the prop to the front, then moving up the sides and dropping thru the compartments and engine room, finishing with a general survey of the deck/railing for the colonies of sea life and around the helm area as part of the ascent. This was a little different, but still interesting.

On the trip home, the sun had come out and I was developing a cloudy-day-sunburn. Sure enough, a few hours later at Cocolocos, I was beet red with redneck T-shirt lines on the arms.

But that day I did something I’d never done before, or even seen. As the boat started to return from the Camia II site, I still had weights and BCD (unbuckled), mask backwards on forehead. – - – - tank slipped off the side railing – - – - I went over the side, backwards into the drink. Amazingly, the mask stayed on and my contacts stayed in although I opened eyes underwater.

Too much sun and physical exertion at once; yea, now my body hurts. Its a pleasing and healthy kind of hurt, but nonetheless painful.

Insomnia had me out early and down at Blue Mango for breakfast, 2 eggs however you want them, wheat bread toast, bacon (or ham slice),  and mango jam & butter.  Wow, breakfast…. me….who would have thought?!

A few hours later I got the munchies again and went to Cocolocos… ordered a redbull/vodka. Forgot about lunch. Completely. After a few more drinks and it was high time for one of those fabled massages from Abe, (ahh-bay). Let me be very clear right now—- crystal—– that shit hurt. It hurt more than the root canal I had in Macedonia without anesthesia.

I’m talking about a slight discomfort just the other side of having chunky diarrhea through the tear ducts in your eyesockets.  But… yes there is a but… it was worth it. I felt so damn relaxing afterward. That man knows his stuff – I’m making a point to get one twice a week from now on.

Later, there was a large plate of prawns and stuff. I cant remember the stuff because the prawns were, well, prawns. Anything larger would be a lobster. If you’ve had a KBR DFAC lobster – these were bigger. I don’t understand prawns: it takes 3 minutes to peel a single one and half of it is the head. Tried sucking the head butter for my fist time. Nope, don’t like it.

A few hours later, I wandered to Sundown and got confused at the menu. The cute waitress helped with my request of “whats the biggest steak you have?” It was a lot of food, I should have taken a camera for a review – it was that good. I was finished with the 1st ‘medallion’ when there appeared another medallion on the plate. damn thing must’ve been hiding under the…. erm…. well… medallion hiding place. By medallion, I mean a chunk of perfect cut of beef the size of your palm and 2 inches thick, assuming you’re not a child or otherwise diminutive and freakish.

For the first time in my life, I did not eat everything on the plate. I couldnt. Sorry guys but I simply couldnt eat those last few fries that were looking at me like those refugees atop the US Embassy in Saigon when they realized that helicopter wasnt coming back for another load. I left men in battle fries on the plate. Oh the herbal butter that Peiter makes… so good. Forgive me, comrads.

• 10:30 am – Yesterday (after being up since midnight) I went to Tony’s for a chat with Denis and beer.
  
• 11:30 am -  Paulina shows up and somehow we got on the topic of Exit bar – must’ve been the booze ’cause I launched into a loud rant about how much I hate the shit out of that place.
• 12:00 noon – burger to-go from Tony’s (good food and good prices).
• 14:00 to 19:00 – wtf?!? the shits, again?
• 19:30 - ‘stupid’ (aka: wifey) stops by because she hates her new neighbors (that she had to get after I kicked her out). I get a free 30 minute head/neck/shoulder massage, she gets to watch some TV.
  
• 20:00 – Red Pirates only has 2 customers that are looking distinctly nervous and dork-touristy. Ann came back for a visit and is looking smoking hot sexy; ideas form. I’m drunk as hell and tell her so. I didn’t get any.
• 20:30 ish – It dawned on my this would be a perfect time to visit Dustin in the Blue Mango diveshop and discuss Tech diving. I took out an eyebrow piercing and put it back in. Don’t remember what was discussed but I remember agreeing to something.
  
• ? – Cocolocos. I’m pretty sure there were more drinks there. A visitor was looking at me strangely, perhaps I shouldn’t have sat in the barstool directly next to him with the towel draped over the back – when the rest of the bar front was empty.
• At some point, the guys in front of Island Staff diveshop asked me if I was OK.
• bed. don’t know when. don’t know how. but I wokeup in my own bed.

Maybe its just  a hangover.

Red Pirates lost their boat, then found it on another island. I say it was stolen, they think it drifted (during storms that capsized a ferry again). I spent a week drinking myself stupid and eating so much Jammers that they take my orders over the phone and have it waiting for me around 3am. They even separate all the taco ingredients into containers so the shells don’t go all soggy— how cool is that?!?

Xmas was rough for me, I was up drinking for almost 48 hours and then got food poisoning just before I crashed. After puking and dry-heaving at 130am Xmas morning and coughing blood, my holiday meal was a salty bowl of ramen and half a can of tuna. Two days later and I was fit for drinking again!

A friend of mine came back for a visit and brought a pack of Jack Links beef jerky!  AHOOO!!!!!  Man, I miss this stuff. I have never seen beef jerky anywhere in the Philippines. This means I’ll have to drink before eating…its a beef jerky rule.

Then he says that out near Virgin Drop, him and the shop manager/instructor of Blue Mango diveshop saw a dolphin just under 2 meters long floating in the water not looking injured, but clearly dead. I dont remember if he said it looked like a fresh or old kill, I’ll ask him in the morning.

When they got back, I assume they reported it to the coast guard who wasted no time in snatching it out of the water – didn’t tell a soul about it. Someone apparently told someone else because I found this news link about it tonight I didn’t think much of it until Chad dropped me a line about a news article on it. (thanks) .

Dolphin found dead off Boracay

Jen saw this one night in Red Pirates and we all played with it – a hermit crab that had taken a Cheeze-Whiz jar as its ‘shell’.

There was food everywhere. It was on the bar, the table, outside, in the sand when people puked, everywhere. Jesse was fire-dancing drunk again, which made for some good video.  These times are completely off, but they’re in order and that’s all you need to know…

• 4pm: Cocolocos, Denis, Daniel, and myself are drinking and thinking about the free-food party later in the night.  Sounds good, but hell, we all started drinking too early. Storm is kicking in.
• 5pm:  Monty is drunk and complaining about ‘if’ and ‘when’ the party’s starting. We assure him they’re already cooking the food, but he insists that ‘someone’ told him otherwise.
• 6 pm: Monty’s gone.. passed out is likely.  I’m drunk and eating beef schnitzel at cocolocos.. good salty drunk food.  Forgot about the party.
• 7 pm: cocolocos makes good drinks
• 8 pm: Walk Past Red Pirates, see people gathering…lots of Filipinos….much more than usual for this end of the beach so I stop in.  People gathering for the party–guest of honor not arrived yet.
• 8 pm or so: Lance arrived. We’re all drunk.inside of Red Pirates is packed. Tequila sounds right!
• 8pm: tons of food!   Shitloads!  Fuckin-A Lance… this is great!  I wont list it because…well, it was fucking awesome and you weren’t there so you lose out!
• 10 pm: inside, outside, garden, and surrounding areas are packed.  Everyone is drunk. They claim to have video of me singing…I hope not.
• 10:15 pm: William, Ryan, every main island singer/performer is here. somewhere.  please damnit—stop ringing the bell! free shots all around. over and over. why is this girl in my pockets…oh yea, that’s why. free shots need tequila chasers.
• 11:00pm: Jesse does firedancing with the sticks… drunk as hell.  Tosses a few into the trees and …well, good times.
• 12:00 midnight: storm rages in…. drunks stumble about.  Carla says that her good friend tagged me as the “strange guy”. Great, now I’m a freak stalker and never got to be freaky. Tequila is in order…mucho!
• 12:02 am: Carla tells me that she doesn’t remember my telling her that i liked her 4 months back… and says “that’s cute”. …………..  hmmm……………………..  ok.  Tequila shot!
• 12:05 am: JD decides to be the “weird guy” stalker he’s already been labeled as
• 01am: something I don’t remember, they say i was dancing. Someone has vid and pics.
• 01:? came home, computer.. left again
• 01:? head back to Red Pirates in search of food, there’s none there. Jo Jo says there’s nothing left but I know he’s full of it. brings me a little plate. Spend the next hour watching this girl try picking up another girl (which is a hot thing to watch) but they’re both too drunk so nothing happens. Bar runs out of tequila and San Mig Light.
• 02:? Blue Mango swimming at the height of the typhoon. Put my camera and 93 pesos and shirt in the dive shop.
• 03:? jeeze, that’s some intense swimming and drowning. Lose my house keys, smokes, and sandals.
• 03?: note to self—do not dare the waves to “come on bitch!” when you’re already 2meters deep and the waves are a meter over your head. That shit hurts to get slammed to the ocean bottom in a flat second….and dragged about for another few seconds, on your face.
• 04:? walk back into Red Pirates and see people I dont know. I have shorts on I think. Vangie is macking with a german guy. I tell them all I’ve lost my keys and Vangie somehow knows I have left my outer guestroom unlocked. So I go there and crash after unsuccessfully attempting to break into the house.
• next day: Daniel V. from Sweden walks around the tiny ledge like it was the easiest thing, and gets into the house to unlock it.

Lance, Boracay can be fun…. its even better when you buy the food and booze! I’ve left a lot out of this story…. lots. like the part of me crawling uphill in the hillside flood zone to get home.