1. “what are you going to do with it?” – excuse me but what the fuck does that matter? either you have it or not.
2. “what is it for/do?” – killing ants/first aid – “here” (hands me another insecticide/eye wash) – I’m sorry, did I fucking ask for eyewash or Baygon? no. I fucking asked for boric acid. If someone asks for a Sprite, is it OK to give them a Coke?
3. “you said acid” – yes, I said boric acid…its a white powder. not liquid. – “but you said acid” – arrgg

• l felt like wearing one of those “I’m with Stupid” t-shirt, because I was. Hearing these words helped it along: “… if you add a vinegar soon, it will broke a meat…” Now I have another quote for the list.
• watched someone cook meat in pure soy sauce – right after saying they cant have any salt or else they’ll die.
• damn annoying Boracay Muslim Vendors Association dudes wouldn’t leave me alone.
• tons of Koreans were on the beach doing their ‘we’re all gonna walk abreast and take up the whole beach-path and stop to point and take pictures of restaurants menus because we’ve never seen a waist-high menu board before and block the path every 20 feet and be inconsiderate while bumping everyone in the area and wearing high-heel shoes in the sand and oh, lets be sure to stop in the middle again because my thong-on-chubbiness is starting to ride too high…’ yea, that.
• the beef I got in d’talipapa was horrible. no flavor and the absolute toughest meat I’ve ever cooked
• the sari-sari store guy couldn’t count to 2
• the tomatoes I bought smell like fish, as in like they were sitting in the fish-slime on the same table as fish at some point – that’s horribly unsanitary
• wifey decided against a decked out (and pricey) pasta meal because there wouldn’t be any hotdogs in the fettuccine. That was the final straw, that’s the most unintelligent, stupid, low brow, no education having thing I’ve ever heard. that’s like an Alabama redneck refusing to stay at the Ritz penthouse because there’s no propane tanks out front. hotdogs in ₱ 400  fettuccine? that’s some fucking STUPID shit that pot-heads come up with at 3am.

The deluxe was P805 for a 7 hour trip from Manila to Vigan. Nice seats, kickin’ aircon, western movies, frequent stops for dropping off people and rest stops.

First class is P200 cheaper. However, there is one HUGE flaw and that is they let these damn vendors on the bus at rest stops and seemingly random spots on the road. At the rest stops, u can’t even get off for a snack or smoke before these annoying people start blocking the narrow isle hawking everything from peanuts to grapes to newspapers to something looking like a taco bell burrito that had been run over in the dirt (but was actually coconut based).

The ones that get on randomly, they don’t seem to pay for traveling a few blocks or a few towns while standing in the isles leaning their butts on seated people. We all know what I think about pushy vendors.

Some minor things would include the constant stopping all over the place for new people like it was a city bus line while lacking all but two comfort stops for a trip that’s now already into its 7th hour and only halfway there, mediocre aircon, no movies, and leaky ceiling.

To be fair, I should point out that the deluxe trip was late at night with no traffic. This one is middle of the day with traffic all over the country side.

(UPDATE: the trip was 10 and a half hours total)

I ordered the usual drinks and also some chicken wings and  onion rings – booze munchies. 30 minutes later, they come out to tell me they don’t have this…30 minutes after I had ordered it. Crap. OK, so what can they do? They say they can take out a frozen chicken, chop and fry. Cool. This food comes out another 45 minutes later looking distinctly like it had been choppidy-chopped randomly whilst still frozen.

Next stop, Blue Mango where I drop some stuff in a locker and commence to swimming. A few hours later I’m in Red Pirates dripping all over the place and having a few handfuls of morning drinks. Back to Blue Mango to settle a tab and slide over to Cocolocos for some redbull vodkas. Back to Blue Mango for more drinks.

Thess was packing up for the low season and invited a few people over for a ‘few’ drinks. This might not have been the safest idea of the day. Shes cool as hell and the best bartender you will ever find. Great friend.

Now its off to Arwanas for drinking on the roof.  I have no idea why, but the kitchen downstairs decided to close at – - wait for it – - – 2:30 in the afternoon! It’s got an independent management and tends to close during the low points of the day rather than wait for the evening rush…. So we order some Smokes (yes, that’s the name of the resto).

There was an Aussie, 2 Brits, 4 Americans (1 chick), 3 Filipinas, and for a few minutes…a few watch/jewelry vendors. Other people came and went for a little while, all of them we knew.  There was yelling from the balcony. There were drinking games like guessing ‘boxers, briefs or nothing’ for each of the group. Wrong guesses involved a shot of Tanduay – which is not meant to be done in shots. It needs something to mask the taste.

The vendors, we got 2 of them to do shots. Their boss was with em’ and told them to go-ahead. They thought we were gonna buy some watches if they shot the booze – we bought no watches after they did the shots. As they walked down, it dawned on me what kind of headdress they had on and the patch on the vest: Muslim Vendors Association.  BWHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!  I like that, people not too tied up in ones religion to take time out for a small bit of rum. I saw them today down near Tourist Center. They were laughing and pointing at me saying “No watches today sir! Tanduay time!” ; they all laughed that internal kind of laugh you get from Mexican police when you demand your phone call. I’m sure it was sarcastic but hell, it was still funny.

Anyway, back to last night: I remember the food arriving in the daylight. I remember a dude and chick going swimming. I remember someone commenting “I promise, I wont shag ya in the shower – if I do then I’ll give ya all 10,000 pesos from me pocket”. I remember her running down the sidewalk, full tilt, to her room and him trotting off behind her leisurely. I remember making a comment to a Brit about how apparently his town in England didn’t have any dental plans. I remember leaving…and getting home to find the power out. I remember trying to fight a dog – yelling at full volume that I was gonna kill it if it barked one more time. The landlord came to calm me down and had the owners take the dog around the other side of the house (they didn’t speak English it seems).

That’s all I remember of yesterday. There are some rather large blocks of time missing.

Someone woke me up about midnight…and thankfully the power was back on. I asked what time did we get back?”, She replied “around 7″.  I was blacked out before 7pm..that might be a new record for me. I slept from 7pm to midnight…then from 1am to 1:30pm………..wow.